I don’t like Thought Catalog. I think it’s a collection of girly lists that rarely contribute anything substantial to society/anyone in the world besides the writer’s close family.
So here is my reaction to a popular Thought Catalog post that kept popping up my newsfeed. I would also like to thank Chelsea Fagan for this beautiful gift to us all. Also, I wonder how you pronounce her last name. If it’s fay-gan, that’s fine. But if it’s fag-ann, then my high school boyfriend is laughing.
1. Play with her hair while the two of you are watching TV. It doesn’t have to be complex, just a little light head touching/hair-messing-with will put her into a near-meditative state.
Playing with hair is an art. When inexperienced people play with hair it’s like a toddler playing with a pile of pine straw.
2. Get your dessert to-go at the restaurant so the two of you can eat it at home while watching a movie/your favorite TV show.
Yes, I do like food. Always yes to food. There are few things more romantic than banana pudding
3. Instead of just asking her where she wants to go for dinner — because you know that she loves when you put in the effort to choose, but is really picky when it comes to what she wants — give her three options that you want to go to (including one or two you haven’t tried before, if possible). It’s the best of both worlds.
This seems more logistical than romantic. Also, I’m not picky about where I want to eat. Rude.
4. If you spend the night at her place (or even if you share the place) make the bed while she’s in the shower or getting ready.
Damn straight you better make the bed. Those are just manners.
5. When she’s on her way home from a big day at work, text her to be like “I’m ordering takeout from [insert her favorite place here] and opening a bottle of wine. What would you like?”
See answer two.
6. If she’s wearing really nice heels for a night out, offer to grab a taxi as you’re about to head home so she doesn’t have to navigate the treacherous stairs of the metro after a long night.
What if I’m wearing really nice flats?
7. Offer to help her with one thing on her weekend to-do list if you notice she’s overwhelmed. Even just running to the grocery store to grab some basics can be an enormous help.
What the hell is a weekend to-do list?
8. Before a trip somewhere (or just for no reason), get her a little nightgown or pajamas that are both comfortable and cute. We can always use more cute/functional sleepwear, and it’s something we rarely take the time to buy for ourselves.
I would say there is such a thing as too much sleepwear.
9. Cup her face gently when you kiss her, especially if it’s a totally everyday, run-of-the-mill-love-ya kiss.
Help! I can’t stop rolling my eyes!
10. Bring her things she loves, but which are not ‘quintessentially romantic.’ A bag of Cheetos, a nice shade of nail polish you liked at the drug store, or a weird t-shirt can mean much more than roses.
Yes, I like material goods.
11. Cuddle her unexpectedly while in public. Like, put your arm around her in an affectionate (without being over-the-top) way, and let her sort of melt into you.
NO NO NO NO PDA
12. Get the ingredients to make her favorite cocktail and have them waiting for her when she gets home.
YES YES YES ALCOHOL
13. One day, for no reason at all, call in sick and have her call in sick so that the two of you can spend the day together watching movies, ordering in food, and hanging out.
Well that’s integrity. And have fun at your desk with the flu in a couple of months.
14. Compile a small list of fun things going on in your city that weekend, and send them to her work email on Friday morning to choose from.
What if you live in Fayetteville??
15. Urge her to get the delicious-looking cheese-based dish instead of the salad, because you know she’ll just eat yours if you don’t.
I saw cheese and so I say yes. Also, are we still depending on the girl and salad stereotype. Ugh be more original.
16. Be protective over something small (cute protective, not controlling protective). Like if she’s about to go out and the forecast says it miiiiight rain, insist that she takes her umbrella as she’s walking out of the house.
Don’t be dramatic.
17. Pack her a lunch for work one day and write her name on the bag in Sharpie. (Alternatively, put a little note on a napkin and put it in the bag.)
How about you slip a Panera’s gift card in there instead? And feel free to Sharpie it, but steer clear of the barcode.
18. Attempt to help her with her makeup/beauty routine, even if you’re terrible at it. (In fact, especially if you’re terrible at it — think Justin Timberlake painting his girlfriend’s toes in the “Gone” video.) Alternative: let her test out something on you on a boring Friday night at home.
Where did this even come from?
19. Convince her that you totally forgot to plan something for her birthday/your anniversary/something special, and then at the last minute be like “Sike get ready, we have reservations at 8:30,” and take her to something extra special.
I don’t like surprises.
20. Rub her back for no reason.
Or the reason could be that I like it?
21. Start watching a show with her and be religious about only watching it when the two of you can watch it together. Waiting on an episode of Game of Thrones so you can enjoy it together is the ultimate sign of love and commitment.”
“Ultimate sign of love and commitment”